Oh, God. This again?

 
Feeling Gassy
Okay, I understand the setback in domestic (Gulf of Mexico) oil production is going to reduce the amount of gas we can produce in our refineries (some of which are damaged or inoperable). And there’s a lot of speculation that gas prices are going to rise sharply. My question is this: Won’t some of the lost production be offset by the millions of people who will not be driving and/or using utilities? See, I'm sure when the president asks a seemingly naive question like that, he has someone who will give him an answer without shaming him. I just have you, The Internet.

In other news, I’m hungry. It’s not even noon and I’ve had my lunch already. That SlimFast “shake” I had for breakfast didn’t really hit the spot. Can I make it for six hours until dinner? Survey says “No.”
shaken and poured by Scott-san at 11:51 AM

 
Hey, Maybe You'll Remember This the Next Time There's a Category 5 Hurricane Headed in Your Direction
I just don't get it. Why is it that Americans, often portrayed as the World's saviours (by those who don't know better), are so reluctant to accept responsibility for anything? Let's make some excuses for why we don't evacuate. Don't have a car? Find a way or find a motherfucking shelter. You had days to prepare; start walking across town to the Superdome!

People stuck on their roof. Or trapped in their attic. With kids, no less. They want someone to rescue them, putting someone else's life in jeopardy. Look, I've "ridden out" smaller storms and then made fun of them after the fact. But if I lived in a city several feet below sea level, and a Category 5 storm was headed in my direction, I think I'd try a little harder to, y'know, find safety.

Dumbasses.
shaken and poured by Scott-san at 4:55 PM

 
Presents!

Mia's birthday was a couple days ago and we've, only now, finished the associated parties. We've also recently finished off the bottle of champagne we'd been saving to celebrate . . . something. As it was a $10 bottle of champagne, we celebrated being done with opening presents and entertaining kids. Or listening to the shrieks of kids entertaining themselves and one another. Or, y'know, the shrieks of the woman who squeezed me out of her body all those years ago.

Anyway, most of the pictures I've taken have been of our dear, beloved daughter opening her precious and all-too-generous gifts. And, no, I'm not being snarky or unappreciative.

shaken and poured by Scott-san at 10:22 PM

 
One-Sided Conversation (With My Friend and Yours . . . The Internet)
What have we been up to for the past week? Hmmm. Well, let’s see, my band played a show Friday night.

- - -

It sucked. This was our end of a show swap with a band from Gainesville who had hooked us up with a gig at an awesome club there, so we returned the favor up here. Except our version of “awesome club” was more of a den of choads . . .

- - -

Huh? Oh, “choad.” It’s a dick that’s wider than it is long.

- - -

Exactly. Anyway, we’re hopefully gonna stay great friends with the Gainesville band. Can’t say much for the venue, though. I guess we shouldn’t burn our bridges. I mean, we do have another show there in a couple months.

- - -

Funny you should ask. It’s going well . . . I think. The whole preschool thing seems to be a more structured version of daycare. Except that we have to pack her a lunch. And there’s a playground. And we pay $140 more a month. I’m just feeling a little inadequate as a parent. We haven’t spent a lot of time with her drawing or writing. They send home all their classroom projects and work, and there were big letters “A” and “B” to be traced over, and she just scribbled on it. I get the feeling that she should be further along, but maybe she’s right on track. I mean, she's only three, right?

- - -

She’s doing okay, thanks for asking. We had to go to the emergency room again last week, but it was a false alarm . . . a false alarm that cost me five hours of my life. But, y’know, better safe than sorry.

- - -

Michelle’s doing good. Her band had a hugely successful show Saturday night in Gainesville.

- - -

No, I didn’t go. It’s a long story. I stayed in town. Michelle’s parents had Mia, so I went out with a friend to a sports bar to NOT watch the Pittsburgh / Miami pre-season game. But I did get to kick a little ass in trivia, though. And, for the record, when you have Taco Bell for lunch, and you’re not really hungry and/or still bloated six hours later, perhaps you shouldn’t order the buffalitos, six wings, and an order of buffalo chips, because you’ll be popping Maalox Max all night and chasing those with Mylanta. Y’know, just a tip.

- - -

Is that all? Well, yeah. I’m pretty boring when you boil it down.

- - -

I’m sure my Internet friends don’t miss me that much. I’ve really been trying to get by to see everyone, but it’s hard. So much is going on and I feel really disconnected. Like Dayment moving to Vancouver, or Snowy disappearing into some witness-protection program for bloggers. And then there’s the whole Styro-letting-her-blog-die issue.

- - -

Yeah, I’ve thought about taking a break. But it seems like everyone makes such a big spectacle about it when they’re going to stop, even if it's temporary. I guess you want to go out on top and not watch your blog die a slow death (like mine). I don’t want to feel like I have to make time to do it, like it’s a (very public) chore. Maybe I could take a break to start a Queer as Folk fan-blog like CW did. Seems like it’d be infinitely more readable than the political blog I started. Then again, maybe they’d have a lot in common, like all the references to anal sex.

- - -

No, I was just kidding about CW. It was actually a fansite for The L Word.

- - -

Well, I am trying to write more. Maybe it’s an inspiration thing. Which I need to remedy as the next season of Reverse Survivor is going to start very soon over at Mister Crunchy’s. In addition to this schlock, the political schlock, my RS entries, and my poems, I was thinking of starting a webcomic. A really schlocky one. I’m hoping that, if my lunch breaks return to being mine again, I can spend more time on all of these.

- - -

Probably. Anyway . . . so, how’s that thing with your sister going? Did that infection ever get taken care of? And what about your mom finding that box of prison-sex snuff films? Ouch!
shaken and poured by Scott-san at 11:46 AM

 
Swiper, No Swiping! Swiper, No Swiping! (Oh, Maaaaaaan!)
So, I tried to teach Mia the merits of non-annoying children’s animation, like Spongebob Squarepants and the Powerpuff Girls. And Aqua Teen Hunger Force. But she’s really latched on to Dora the Explorer. Not that this is entirely horrible (e.g., Barney or Backyardigans).

Now, I don’t mind Dora so much. It’s nice for children to be inexplicably bilingual, adventurous, and interested in soccer. But what is it with all the shouting? That’s my biggest complaint, really. Dora never just says anything. “WHO DO WE ASK WHEN WE DON’T KNOW WHICH WAY TO GO?” “DO YOU SEE SWIPER THE FOX?” “THOSE MOTHERFUCKING PIGS STOLE OUR PIRATE COSTUMES!” Okay, maybe that last one is somewhat enhanced. Nobody steals pirate costumes.

Anyway, I could deal with Dora a little better if she didn’t shout so much. Even with all the bizarre plot holes. I mean, there’s a path from wherever she is to any place on the fucking planet . . . how could she get lost?
shaken and poured by Scott-san at 5:06 PM

 
Uh oh.

There was another party this weekend . . . this time for a friend who just completed her Master's degree. I celebrated as expected (i.e., drinking my allotted "quota," making sure to pace myself, and then leaving for home after yawning several times and thinking about having to get up getting up and playing tennis).

Anyway, there are a few pictures from the party. I must say, I really did make an effort with the camera. Having a digital Elph, which fits semi-neatly in my back pocket, makes this much easier.

shaken and poured by Scott-san at 10:57 PM

 
The Ol' Plumbing. Literally.
I'm sure everyone's getting pretty used to these extended periods of "quiet" here at Kamikaze Central. I'd really hoped for more activity this week but, as I told Michelle a little while ago, I haven't had much time for "the Internets" this week.

Y'see, Mia's daycare is closed this week. Actually, Mia's daycare isn't her daycare anymore, as she's starting preschool next Monday. So, I've only been at work as long as necessary (and usually with Mia). Otherwise, it's been a series of errands and appointments. (The appointments generally involved someone handling my balls and pressing fingers into my groin area and telling me to "turn [my] head and cough" or "bear down." And, yes, another finger in my ass, too.) So, yeah, not much time for you guys. Sorry?

For triumphs, I braved the area beneath our kitchen sink and did some (very) basic plumbing on the ol' PVC connections. I'm sure none of you wanna hear about the black, rotting funk I sprayed out of one of the baffle connectors, but you just did. The smell of rotting eggs was heavily featured. Anyway, early tests show no leaking, so maybe it was a success. I'm going to wash dishes in a few minutes, though, so we'll see how that goes. Oh, and then when we run the dishwasher this weekend. Just like your drinking days in college . . . we have a bucket handy.

In other fun news, our debit card was declined somewhere and an ATM withdrawal was rejected for "insufficient funds." We just got paid a week ago, and I haven't paid the big bills for this cycle yet. And the trusty register is showing decidedly sufficient funds for the ass-shitty debits we've been racking up. We're thinking greivous bank error or identity fraud. My login information for our Internet banking is at work, so I won't know anything until I call in the morning. Dammit.

And now I wonder which is worse: Finding out about $1,500 has been stolen from our account (somehow), or that I have to have another "prostate massage." I'll go with the money. For now.
shaken and poured by Scott-san at 10:59 PM

 
Tiki girls

The party on Saturday was a success. Well, probably a mixed success for us . . . having a child, limited social skills, and friends who are either absent or preoccupied with more important things.

This was the only picture I took worth uploading. Well, that and the "topless" one.

shaken and poured by Scott-san at 8:30 AM

 
Loosening the Bible Belt
Apropos of everything, I was driving behind a pickup truck this morning that had “If you lick them, they will cum” and “Girls will do girls” bumper stickers; the driver (strangely, a man) made a left turn into a parking lot . . . for Carpetland.

Sorry I haven’t written more lately. It’s been a blah week, and I haven’t really felt up to the task. Hopefully, I’ll be more inspired this weekend, as we’re going to an art exhibit (of sorts) tonight, being put on by one of Michelle’s bandmates. The exhibit will feature another one of her bandmates (Ms. Jazz Hands), one of my bandmates, and an omnisexual/lesbionic photographer acquaintance of ours. It should be quite a ride.

We’re also going to a tiki party tomorrow afternoon / evening. I foresee a lot of Flickr material. Gonna start a “friends” set. I know you’re all excited.

Maybe I'll bring some 'tang.
shaken and poured by Scott-san at 1:21 PM

 
In the Stink
When I was at my physical last week, the doctor asked me how my mental state was. I told him I was mostly fine, except for being traumatized a few days earlier when he’d stuck his finger in my ass. He tried to make me feel better by telling me that he’d had a prostate exam after that, and his doctor has “the biggest fingers in town.”

So, as it turns out, I wasn’t lying to the doctor when he asked about my mental state. I just feel like I need some “quiet time.” The World is a loud, imposing place. I have so much going on; as I told Michelle, I’m either doing something, thinking about doing something, or feeling guilty for not doing something. It sucks that I get to relax more when I’m at work. Even sitting on the couch after Mia’s gone to bed and flipping through channels isn’t relaxing. (I look at the DVR menu and see that it’s 63% full, knowing that I need to watch something on there rather than another rerun of The Surreal Life.)


In other (less whiny) news, the show in Gainesville (Florida, ‘stella) went well. If by “well” I mean pretty much just like a show here in Tallahassee in that we had all of a dozen people watching us with 30 or 40 people outside drinking on “The Porch.” Still, it was fun.

And my “ball situation” is still in a grey zone. Things have been feeling normal down there, so I’m switching back to boxers to see if I can provoke a response. Y’know . . . from my balls.
shaken and poured by Scott-san at 12:03 PM