 |
|
|
Oh, God. This again? Divebomb Me Or, I Could Divebomb You 100 Things Those With Honor Estella Floats Styrofoamkitty WittandWisdom pea I, Asshole She C. Briantology Sheets and Blankets Mister Crunchy R80o Daymented Lily White Intentions Stutarded (this shit) Get to the Choppa Chucklehut tequila mockingbird (done) Generic/Synthetic Melman Teahouseblossom Jen and Tonic What's Mine is Yours Almost Lucid Elfcakes Dirty Fez Sarah B. Viva La Crap Panajane Bored But Busy What's Brewin' Down Yonder Not Well Planned (done) Malicious User Fussy Run Jen Run Sweetney EmilyM Knotty Yarn Fresh Pepper (on hiatus) Breakfast of Losers Philosophical Marshmallow Random Musings Brooks Blog Eurotrash Bad News Hughes Geese Aplenty Blue Ruin Tiny Voices in My Head The Art of Getting By Other Cool Drinks ... er, Links The Onion Pitchfork Wonkette Get Your War On Questionable Content Archives 
|
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
TORPEDOES AWAY! Streaking toward horizon alive with boats— white lines reaching across the sea at meters per second. I’m holding my breath. (Explode, goddamn you. Explode . . . shit.) Torpedoes away! Our shipping lanes are clogged with your shitty terrorist flotilla— outboarded skiffs with mounted 50-caliber machine guns. No matter what your god has told you, our God says, “Boom!” Tornadoes away! Do us a favor and die, already, Bible Belters, Rust Belters, shady denizens of the panhandles of Texas and Florida. God wills it. It’s in the Book. Nothing just happens, crazy person. There is a Plan. This is a Test. Torpedoes away! Your destiny is propelled by German-engineered supercavitation. Tenzing Norgay! No Sherpa can lead you to the Kingdom of Heaven, not even from the highest peak on the planet. Besides, what religion do they teach in Nepal? Damn the torpedoes! I’m lashed to the mast like David Farragut, and you’re going down! Full speed ahead! Goddamn you! Goddamn you! Goddamn you! |