web tracker

Monday, May 16, 2005
Look, I know that it’s a never-ending “rite of passage” for men, but it’s just so typically Monday how nicking myself shaving turned into a motherfucking bloodletting. Seriously, I’m surprised I don’t cut myself more the way I hastily go about raping my face with the Gillette Mach 3. Generally when I do nick myself, I do the tissue-clotting thing. I’ll sometimes forget to take it off and go into public with the telltale tiny Japanese flag stuck to my face and/or neck. But this morning, I was diligent and removed it while at home before I brushed my teeth. After brushing my teeth, I looked in the mirror and couldn’t help but notice the huge and growing river of blood moving toward my chin. What the fuck, FACIAL CARNAGE?

Of course, this morning, I had to interact with all sorts of people at Mia’s daycare or work while either actively bleeding or trying to get the blood to clot with my miniature tributes to Japan. "Yeah, nice to meet you. Look at the blood GUSHING OUT OF MY FUCKING JAW!"