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Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Dear Liberal Coworker/Neighbor*
Look, I’m really sorry about not inviting you to order lunch with us for my birthday.** It’s just that, well, we don’t usually have lunch with you, especially not when we order in. I didn’t invite [UglyTrailerSkank], either, and she does eat lunch with us a lot (but that’s because she didn’t invite me to her wedding, which I pitched in on a gift for).

Anyway, don’t hold it against me and get all passive-aggressive about it over the e-mail when I invite you to go out for pizza with us today. I know you don’t have a “better offer.” And, ask yourself, how often do you invite me to lunch? Wait, why am I apologizing to you, douchebag? No, seriously.

Your comrade in arms,

* borrowed from CW (via Michelle)

** Actually, we went to Moe’s the day after my birthday, and ordered in (Chinese/Japanese) a couple days later (the “official” birthday lunch).