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Wednesday, July 14, 2004
I Want to Die in the Hot Summer (Better Late Than Never)
So far this year, we here at Kamikaze Lunchbreak have witnessed the emergence of two great obsessions: Deadwood and Kingdom of Loathing. To assist in shepherding you all to embrace these disparate schools of cultural significance, I’m forcing this quiz on you. Leave your answers in the comments, or send them to my e-mail (link on left).

The reward for the two highest scorers will be a mix CD, which is heavy on the post-rock and textured, sometimes introspective, pop music. Good luck (and my condolences).

1. On Deadwood, which of these characters would you consider Al’s right-hand man (i.e., the one who does most of his killing)?
a. Johnnie
b. Dan
c. Wild Bill
d. Seth Bullock
e. What was that kid’s name . . . the grifter who rode into town with his “sister” . . . ended up beaten and shot to death in the back of The Bella Union? Okay, probably not him.

2. In Kingdom of Loathing, all of these are character types, except _____________.
a. seal clubber
b. pastamancer
c. turtle tamer
d. slime tenant
e. disco bandit

3. It would seem that Wu only grasps one word of the English language. What is it?
a. “kill”
b. “dope”
c. “whiskey”
d. “whore”

4. In Kingdom of Loathing, what do you need in order to visit The Hermitage?
a. a Hermit Pass
b. a Dripping Meat Sword
c. a life
d. 10 Rat Whiskers
e. a Bat Wing

5. The wealthy prospector, Brom Garrett, died from ___________.
a. a gunshot wound
b. trying to out-drink Calamity Jane
c. being pushed off a cliff and into a head-meets-rocks-below scenario
d. a nasty disease he acquired at The Gem
e. being stabbed to death after calling Al a “cocksucker” (to his face . . . because everyone calls everyone a “cocksucker” behind their backs)

6. The Toot Oriole lives ______________.
a. forever
b. in the Spooky Forest
c. on Mt. Noob
d. to torment those new to the Kingdom of Loathing
e. within all of us

7. Fill in the (sexpot) blanks: ________ is the once-dope-addicted widow who did the throw-down with Seth as the first season came to a close, while _________ is the seemingly bisexual madam at the Bella Union who’s using Cy’s affection to improve her social and business standing.
a. Jane, Jewel
b. Jewel, Alma
c. Joanie, Chachee
d. Alma, Joanie
e. Alma, Trixie

8. Which of these items is not needed to build a Bitchin’ Meat Car?
a. spring
b. belt
c. sprocket
d. tires
e. cog

9. Wait, did that happen on Deadwood? The answer is “No” for one of these:
a. In a touching moment, Al played Dr. Kevorkian to the ailing Reverend by smothering him with a pillow.
b. Seth smashed a native-American’s face in with a big rock.
c. Trixie gave Mr. Star a freebie in the hardware store. He reluctantly paid Al later.
d. A group of Al’s “road agents” killed and robbed a family and blamed it on the “dirt worshippers.”
e. Tired of scrubbing blood off his hotel floors, E.B. tried to hire one of the Chinamen to do it.

TIEBREAKER (on an entirely different subject): Match the “post-rock” band with their song.
1. Mogwai
2. Godspeed You! Black Emporer
3. Explosions in the Sky
4. Kinski
5. Couch

a. “Semaphore”
b. “Moya”
c. “Xmas Steps”
d. “Kurzer Punkt”
e. “Six Days at the Bottom of the Ocean”