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Friday, April 16, 2004
The Education
I remember the last rays of Innocence. Of being a young boy in an E.T. shirt on the school bus.

It was sixth grade. The bus was nearing our neighborhood, when an older girl started quizzing the younger kids on sex. Most of us had seen the videos in elementary school . . . the ones that showed the differences between boys and girls. But the quiz on the school bus wasn’t quite that clinical.

I was asked if I knew what a “boner” was. And I did not.

It suffices to say that I’ve learned a lot in the past . . . um, many years. Much of that can be traced back to middle school. Of course, now, kids in middle school are probably engaging in all-night orgies and slipping roofies to their pre-pubescent classmates. Maybe I was behind, but I don’t think so. Not that much.

Sure, I learned a lot from my friends. And then my dad’s collection of Penthouse Variations and Penthouse Forum. And then my dad’s collection of Swedish porn.

So, I don’t really consider myself to be a prude. But where do I draw the line?

Tonight, the Girls are playing with this band. Michelle’s mom caught wind of the show’s lineup and the headlining band's reputation, and now she’s worried that, somehow, the Girls will be tagged as a live-sex act. The jury’s still out on whether we’ll be staying to see any of the headliner’s set. Or act. Whatever.

But if I see any real-live fellatio at the show tonight, you’ll the be the first to know, The Internet.