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Wednesday, March 31, 2004
”Man, I Feel Like a . . . Hey, Why Are We Stopping? Is There Something Wrong? Why is Julien Getting Out? Wait, Let Go of Me! What are You Doing? Is That a Gun? No, Cory, Don’t . . .” BLAM!
I’ve spouted off about the travesties being foisted on us by marketing execs on Madison Avenue. Usually I just shake my head at the awful commercials I see, but the latest crime against humanity . . . well, it makes Mazda’s “zoom-zoom” kid more appealing than any greasy, three-way, all-night-for-you fuck-a-thon fantasy you could come up with.

The new King of “Sweet-Gentle-Lord-I-Will-Never-Buy-Anything-Produced-by-Them” Marketing is Chevy. Their “Like a Rock” advertisements were bad enough, but typical for truck commercials. But, now, there’s the five metrosexual guys in the club-cab pickup, cruising through the desert wastelands of Colorado. It has the appropriate American population cross-section represented, but what kind of juxtaposition is this? Where are these guys going? Rock climbing? Yeah, maybe if The Rock is a sixth guy they’re going to see. More like they’re on a quest for some ecstasy and amyl-nitrate tabs. Or a rave. In the desert.

The cherry on top, of course, is where the most hetero-looking guy of the bunch is crooning, without a hint of irony, Shania Twain’s “I Feel like a Woman.” If ever, in the history of mass marketing, there has a been a more obvious “that-guy-should-be-shot-in-the-face” moment*, I’d like someone to tell me. I mean, the guy’s not even aware that his friends are surprised and embarrassed by this display.

The question is: Who is this commercial aimed at? Homo/metrosexuals? People who drive in the desert to find a party? Or real, blue-blood men-among-men? Because to really reach that last group, I think we’re gonna need the guys to stop the truck, pull out Sha-mana, and shoot him in the head. If that happened, Chevy sales would go through the roof.

* Shot-in-the-face moment. It could be bukkake in advertising.


In other (less offensive) news, I’m shooting to have a quiz ready for next Monday . . . even though the CDs are still coming together. There will be more details as they become available.