 |
|
|
Oh, God. This again? Divebomb Me Or, I Could Divebomb You 100 Things Those With Honor Estella Floats Styrofoamkitty WittandWisdom pea I, Asshole She C. Briantology Sheets and Blankets Mister Crunchy R80o Daymented Lily White Intentions Stutarded (this shit) Get to the Choppa Chucklehut tequila mockingbird (done) Generic/Synthetic Melman Teahouseblossom Jen and Tonic What's Mine is Yours Almost Lucid Elfcakes Dirty Fez Sarah B. Viva La Crap Panajane Bored But Busy What's Brewin' Down Yonder Not Well Planned (done) Malicious User Fussy Run Jen Run Sweetney EmilyM Knotty Yarn Fresh Pepper (on hiatus) Breakfast of Losers Philosophical Marshmallow Random Musings Brooks Blog Eurotrash Bad News Hughes Geese Aplenty Blue Ruin Tiny Voices in My Head The Art of Getting By Other Cool Drinks ... er, Links The Onion Pitchfork Wonkette Get Your War On Questionable Content Archives 
|
Monday, February 02, 2004
Stats that Shape a Weekend Percentage of Wedding Guests Who Work at Target: I’d venture about 50% Number of Times I Called My Cable Company to Find Out Why I Couldn’t Order the Pay-Per-View UFC Event on Our Digital Cable Box, but Was Rather Directed to Call the Office to Order It . . . at 7:30 p.m. on a Saturday, When the Office Was Closed: three Number of Breasts Seen Live on Network Television During Halftime at the Super Bowl: one (sorry Ms. Jackson, indeed) So, I went to the wedding, did not watch the Ultimate Fighting Championship (which Mr. ADD said was a huge letdown anyway), and I did watch the Super Bowl (which was not a letdown, despite the fact that I lost $10). I learned a lot that I did not know when I went to bed Friday night. And because this is all about sharing, The Internet, let me share these things with you: -- I did not know that if the bride’s best friend is gay, he can be the “man of honor.” In such a situation, it is acceptible to wear the same tux as the groomsmen, except with a bright pink tie and vest. (And, apparently, gay guys can become a girl’s best friend in less than two years.) -- I did not know about the DJ-supported tradition of playing a song for the wedding party to dance to and then announcing that the couples split and venture into the crowd to pick new partners, thus doubling the dancefloor crowd. I made it through the first round without being picked, but got nabbed the second time around. By the bride’s grandmother. (She was a very nice woman from South Dakota.) -- I did not know that when you’re behind in your cable payments, the cable company might rescind your pay-for-view ordering privileges. (For the record, I dispute cable company’s claim that I’m behind in my payments.) -- I did not know that Jake Delhomme was gonna cost me $10. Or maybe I should blame the Patriots’ defense. -- I did not know that people still did over-emotive, lip-synced, choreographed dances during halftime specials like it’s 1987 all over again. Seriously. I was really lost during Janet Jackson’s performance. However, that ending quickly put things in perspective. (I’d venture she won’t be performing at the Super Bowl next year.) |