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Monday, February 02, 2004
Stats that Shape a Weekend
Percentage of Wedding Guests Who Work at Target: I’d venture about 50%
Number of Times I Called My Cable Company to Find Out Why I Couldn’t Order the Pay-Per-View UFC Event on Our Digital Cable Box, but Was Rather Directed to Call the Office to Order It . . . at 7:30 p.m. on a Saturday, When the Office Was Closed: three
Number of Breasts Seen Live on Network Television During Halftime at the Super Bowl: one (sorry Ms. Jackson, indeed)
So, I went to the wedding, did not watch the Ultimate Fighting Championship (which Mr. ADD said was a huge letdown anyway), and I did watch the Super Bowl (which was not a letdown, despite the fact that I lost $10).

I learned a lot that I did not know when I went to bed Friday night. And because this is all about sharing, The Internet, let me share these things with you:

-- I did not know that if the bride’s best friend is gay, he can be the “man of honor.” In such a situation, it is acceptible to wear the same tux as the groomsmen, except with a bright pink tie and vest. (And, apparently, gay guys can become a girl’s best friend in less than two years.)

-- I did not know about the DJ-supported tradition of playing a song for the wedding party to dance to and then announcing that the couples split and venture into the crowd to pick new partners, thus doubling the dancefloor crowd. I made it through the first round without being picked, but got nabbed the second time around. By the bride’s grandmother. (She was a very nice woman from South Dakota.)

-- I did not know that when you’re behind in your cable payments, the cable company might rescind your pay-for-view ordering privileges. (For the record, I dispute cable company’s claim that I’m behind in my payments.)

-- I did not know that Jake Delhomme was gonna cost me $10. Or maybe I should blame the Patriots’ defense.

-- I did not know that people still did over-emotive, lip-synced, choreographed dances during halftime specials like it’s 1987 all over again. Seriously. I was really lost during Janet Jackson’s performance. However, that ending quickly put things in perspective. (I’d venture she won’t be performing at the Super Bowl next year.)