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Tuesday, January 13, 2004
 
Subway. Eat Fresh. (If by “Eating Fresh” They Mean “Eating a Shitload”)
I won’t ever be featured in a Subway commercial, unless it’s one with Jared™ trying to turn me on to the next new low-fat / low-carb sub, and I’m, like, “C’mon, man, put some fuckin’ cheese on there. Seriously. No cheese? What about mayonnaise?” And then I’m run over by a bus. (The voiceover: “Subway. Good, so you don’t always have to be. Of course, you can choose to be bad, but then you die prematurely.”)

The standard not-so-much-of-a-value meal I go with is the 6-inch sandwich, with a side of deli-style sandwich. Today, for instance, was the 6-inch pizziata (or whatever they call it, with provolone and mayo) with a deli-style turkey breast (also with provolone and mayo). I guess it was healthy of me to NOT get the chips and/or cookies, too. This means I’ll have to reach into my desk for some Smarties. I also got the Sprite / pink lemonade suicide. The pink lemonade was apparently broken, because it was just drizzling out the syrup. But that’s okay. More sweets for the sweet, I say.

I blame the fact that Subway is both loaded with and lacking things I really want to eat. Oh, yeah, there’s lots of things I’ll settle for. (I usually get the authentic and fresh seafood and crab, but I was thinking outside the box today, I guess.) But couldn’t they have a gyro sub? Or a curry chicken sub? A pad thai sub? I’d wager that those would propel Subway right to the top.