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Monday, July 07, 2003
Who Knew That National Celebration Could Equal Such Trauma?
How come those long, holiday weekends either never seem long enough, or they’re too goddamn long? Well, because there’s a thin line between a great weekend and a shitty one, that’s why.

And I rode that line this weekend.

So, I will learn from my mistakes (past and present) and the mistakes of my friends. Here are some tips to help you (gentle Internet readers) enjoy your future weekends a little bit more:

-- Those GPS guidance systems in rental cars don’t always point out the quickest, most-direct route. In fact, they may send you 45 minutes to an hour out of your way.

-- Just accept that things are not going to go as planned. It’s really sad when a little miscommunication, combined with the strange occurrence of bad timing, can result in lots of screaming and friends almost coming to blows.

-- Let’s say you’re going whitewater rafting. The river is running almost twice the normal volume (high and fast). Now, during the instructions, you’re hearing, “In the event you should fall out of the raft, blah-blah-blah-blah,” because, y’know, you’ll never fall out of the raft. Well, if you really believe that, you will fall out of the raft and not realize where you are until you’re 20 feet from your raft, and you’ll ride the next few rapids with no boat, no paddle, gasping for air, and thinking you’re gonna die.

-- Even if you eventually win The 80s Game, you’re still going to feel like an ass when someone asks you, “Which Star Wars movie contains the following line: ‘Luke, I am your father?’” And you say, “Return of the Jedi, which did not come out in 1981.” In fact, if that happens, you will probably never live it down, not even if you correctly answer a later question by knowing that the Ewoks live on the Moon of Endor.

-- Your baby daughter doesn’t know it’s the weekend, and your enjoyment of said weekend is not her primary concern.

So, anyway, the weekend wasn’t totally lame. I just don’t feel like writing about it much. Actually, as I had to take Mia to the doctor this morning and the work’s piling up, I don’t really have time right now.