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Friday, April 04, 2003
100 Things

Not many drinks can beat a perfectly mixed Kamikaze. And I can make one.

My first memory is riding in the back seat of a Volkswagen Beetle on our move from Connecticut to Florida.

That car (a black 1974 Super Beetle) was my first car.

My first word was "nice."

Many of my earliest memories are of my father's infidelity.

I have a lazy eye.

I've been a Pittsburgh Steelers fan since 1979, the year they beat the Rams in the Super Bowl.

I share my birthday with Gwenyth Paltrow, who is also a Pittsburgh Steelers fan.

I was born the year before Gwenyth.

I lost my virginity on a docked sailboat. On prom night.

My parents divorced when I was 19.

My favorite movie is Miller's Crossing.

Usually, I know all the angles.

I remember the 70s much more fondly than I do the 80s.

I have a very foul mouth. Very often, I swear without realizing it.

My favorite album changes weekly, but my favorite song (hands down) is "Medicine Bottle" by Red House Painters.

My first real conversation with my future wife, Michelle, took place while I was drinking tequila straight out of the bottle. On a trampoline.

We got married when I was 26.

If you told me my wife would be the last person I'd have sex with, I wouldn't be surprised or disappointed.

I'm a Libra.

I'm an only child.

I'm a father . . . hopefully of an only child. (That's the way I feel right now, anyway.)

I've played tug-of-war with a dead snake.

I don't smoke.

I took French for four years in high school and three semesters in college.

I was president of my high school French club.

I hate most aspects of French culture.

I say "hate" too much.

My favorite word is "whore." I'm not quite sure why.

I worked at McDonald's for more than three years.

That was my first job.

I'm a morning person.

I was in college for five years. Never went to "spring break" or Mardi Gras during any of them.

I have three cooking specialties: french toast, feta dip, and stir fry.

I earned a degree in creative writing from a football/party school, which probably has little to do with my lack of literary creativity.

I started writing (semi-creatively) in 10th grade.

Actually, I wrote a play in elementary school. And it was appropriately violent.

When I was 12, I told my mother I didn't think I believed in God so I wouldn't have to go to church anymore.

I don't really have an opinion on God right now. Check back later.

I rarely spend more than $25 on a pair of shoes.

I take stairs two at a time, usually running.

I like the Chaos Theory, which I probably started thinking about after seeing The Man Who Saw Tomorrow when I was 8.

I distinctly remember thinking about trying not to pee (ever again?) so that I could change the fate of the world.

I've never felt the need for speed.

. . . but I have dabbled in other drugs (nothing too hard).

I am really old enough to know better.

I read some of my wife's chick mags, mostly Jane and Cosmopolitan.

Many of my friends thought I was a closet homosexual. Now that I'm married, only a few of them do.

When I had the "sex talk" with my dad, he used the words "pecker" and "cunt." I was 12.

Sometimes, I have to force myself to make eye contact with people I'm talking to.

The last time I had Boone's Farm wine was the Halloween after I turned 30.

The 22-year-old version of me could drink the current me under the table. Easily.

Strictly speaking, I've never had a one-night stand. But I have had a few relationships that shouldn't have continued beyond that first night.

I'm not a really good friend. Or relative.

I eat the recommended daily amount of fruits and vegetables . . . every week or so.

Currently, I'm a technical editor at an environmental consulting firm.

I only own one red piece of clothing . . . a long-sleeved sweatshirt I bought on clearance at Old Navy.

My favorite color is drab, olive green. A great deal of my wardrobe is that color.

No, I'm not a Communist. But I almost registered as a Socialist when I was in college.

Politically, I'm fairly left. Almost everyone else in my family is fairly right.

I like to watch soccer. (No, it's not boring, you fucking fascist!)

I have to be really bored to watch baseball.

I don't understand the fascination with Elvis.

The Beatles, I can understand. But I actually prefer The Doors. And Pink Floyd.

I was pretty much an accident, conceived at a New Years' Eve party. (They didn't have a condom. My dad---ever the romantic---reportedly said, "If anything comes of this, it will be out of love.")

Both of my parents threatened to disown me if I voted for Bill Clinton in 1992.

I would have voted for Bill Clinton a third time.

A man should only marry a woman he feels comfortable waking up next to.

I started a poetry journal with my wife to keep me interested in writing poetry.

I went through a Sylvia Plath obsession. A few times.

I was a huge Cure fan for about a decade.

I was introduced to The Cure and The Smiths by a cheerleader I was dating in high school.

I drive manual transmission. Automatic = boring.

I rotate my clothing. Enough said.

I think cowboy hats should only be worn by cowboys. And maybe people from Texas.

When I was a teenager, for three Christmases in a row, I received a gun as a gift from my father.

In a battle of wits, I'd probably lose. But I can hurl insults like a champ.

The best place to have sex is in da butt. (Oh, yeah. That joke never gets old.)

I like Bottle Caps (the candy).

I like to think that I'm diplomatic and fair, but I have a tendency to be petty and selfish.

I've played guitar since I was 13, but I don't consider myself a "guitar player."

I use this "skill" in a band called The Cold After.

I started playing guitar because of my dad. I wanted to play bass like John Taylor in Duran Duran. He convinced me to learn the six-string instead, and switch to bass later. I never switched to bass.

I consider myself to be a good father, even though I don't try very hard.

My wife often says I dress very badly. (I guess that means I can't be gay!)

As far as oral sex goes, I actually prefer giving than receiving.

I try and live by the principles of Utilitarianism.

(I have a minor in philosophy.)

I like the rain.

The only movie I've walked out of was Apt Pupil.

I laughed through most of The Exorcist.

The scariest movie I've ever seen was Poltergeist. Event Horizon is a close second.

I cried during Snoopy Come Home when I was five.

And I'd be willing to bet that I'd cry if I watched it right now.

I don't like Mormonism. It's a cult. Like Scientology.

I've dated a couple Mormons.

I'd be perfectly happy to never go the beach again, as long as I could see the mountains from our house.

I started blogging because I read about it (twice) in Newsweek.

I get uncomfortable when I realize I will likely never do anything extraordinary.

I have lots of ideas I think are great. What I lack is follow-through.